


Houses and Rocks

by Recurring



Series: Fire Emblem Three Houses of Curling [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Adult Flayn, Comedy, Corner Gas mashup?, Curling, Gen, Oldguy Seteth, Spoilers for Seteth and Flayn, i take some liberties with Jeralt's character, if curling is chess on ice and fire emblem is anime chess..., no knowledge of curling required
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:42:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27980208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recurring/pseuds/Recurring
Summary: It's finally the start of curling season and Flayn has decided that it's time for her to break away from Seteth and Jeralt's team to form her own. Now it's a race to fill out their teams at the last minute--only everyone who isn't already on a team seems to be either recovering from battle-injuries or never played the sport in their life.A Fire Emblem Three Houses fic based on the Corner Gas episode "Hurry Hard"!
Series: Fire Emblem Three Houses of Curling [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755364
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	1. I Do Enough Sweeping Around Here

Sweeping the infirmary was bad enough.Manuela pushed a stack of books aside with her foot and half-heartedly sent a cloud of dust swirling into the air.It was going to get into her clothes and her hair and she couldn't see why there was no one else in the monastery to do this.Manuela was the healer, she had better things to be doing than sweeping the floors right now. 

"Hard!" Flayn's voice rang from the open doorway."Hurry!Hurry hard!"

Manuela stopped her sweeping and put one hand on her forehead."What," she began.

Alois appeared behind Flayn."Hurry, hurry!"

"Sweep!" Flayn yelled.

"How dare you," Manuela groaned, setting down her broom."What's all this about?I know I'm not the tidiest, but this isn't necessary!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Flayn chirped, her intense tone completely forgotten."It's the start of curling season, so I suppose we're all a little excited!"

Curling season?Manuela didn't think that there were enough people who knew what curling was for there to be a season for it.She certainly hadn't thought when taking this position at the monastery that the people she met would be interested in it--and _excited_ really seemed to be too strong a word.

"That's true enough," Alois agreed."Winter doesn't last forever, so we can't take it for," he paused, and Manuela braced herself for a pun, " _\--granite."_

Manuela stared at him.Alois held his hands out, waiting for her to appreciate what was apparently a joke.

Flayn giggled."Curling rocks are made from granite," she explained, not that it made the pun any better.Manuela sighed heavily.

"I don't see how anyone can watch such a boring sport."She began picking the books from earlier off the floor, sorting them on one of the infirmary beds.

"It's not everyone's cup of tea," Flayn supposed.

"It's more interesting than tea," Alois scoffed.

"Are you two just going to keep standing there?" Manuela asked. The only thing that made cleaning worse was having perfectly able-bodied people standing around watching you doing it, without helping.

"I have to find my father," Flayn announced.

"We'd better _slide_ out of your way," Alois said, another obvious curling pun that went over Manuela's head. He and Flayn backed out of the room.

"Or, you could lend a hand with--" Manuela called after the two of them, but they were gone before she could finish, "--cleaning the infirmary?"Manuela growled and got back to work, accidentally knocking over a shipment of new bandages and deciding to just leave them on the floor.

_You could reach for my hand and I'd soar away_

_Into the dawn and I wish I could stay_

_In these cherished halls_

_I know that time betrays_

_You'd think I'd fear the edge of dawn_

_I'm breaking free and baby you're so wrong_

_And that's why it's carried on the wind's song_

_When we're standing at the edge of dawn..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please listen to the [Corner Gas Theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9VrOMkpReo) so that you know what my Edge of Dawn mashup is supposed to sound like!


	2. It's Just Drinking, and Throwing Rocks

In the barracks of the Knights of Seiros, Shamir Nevrand sat checking her bowstrings for damage.The door opened, but there was no reason to look up from her work.Shamir could recognize Catherine just from the corner of her eye.

Except Catherine wasn't walking with her usual gait, and was in fact carrying something.She was balancing it in her hands like it was a priceless artifact filled to the brim with the finest alcohol and she couldn't bear the thought of spilling a single drop.

It wasn't like Catherine to be careful with anything, so Shamir's curiosity got the best of her.

"What's that supposed to be?" Shamir asked, tilting her chin at what seemed to be a cheap plastic trophy.

Catherine continued her slow progress to the table." _This_ is the _Nemesis Cup_ ," she said, her voice full of reverence. 

"And?"

"It's the trophy for Garreg Mach's annual bonspiel," Catherine explained, gently setting the cup down on the table.Shamir half expected the other knight to bow to the thing."It's named after 'King' Nemesis, the most respected curler in all of Fodlan.People say that Nemesis could slide a cup of coffee down the length of the ice, land it right on the pin, all without spilling a drop.Isn't that amazing?"

Shamir stared."It's amazing that people go around saying that."

"It's our job to guard the Nemesis Cup until the day of the bonspiel," Catherine said."It's our honour and duty as Knights of Seiros."

"I thought our duty was to protect the monastery, not some cheap trophy."Shamir eyed the cup, sizing it up and deciding that she could probably buy a dozen for about three gold.

"Some say that the spirit of Garreg Mach is in this cup." Catherine still had that sickening, awestruck expression on her face. 

"Okay, I get it.Cup of spirits.I have real work to do," Shamir said, returning to her attention to her bowstrings.At least Catherine being distracted by this plastic cup meant that Shamir might be able to focus for once.

Flayn found Seteth in the dining hall, sitting next to Jeralt, eating fish sandwiches.She slid in to the seat next to him.

"So, Father," Flayn said, "are you ready for the start of curling season?"

"Yes, Flayn.Jeralt and I were just discussing signing up our team for the Garreg Mach Bonspiel.You will of course be our lead again."

"Ah," Flayn said.

"Ah?" Seteth repeated.

"Well." Flayn didn't know how her father would react to this, but it had been her plan for quite some time."I was thinking that I would like to form my own team.I have been learning some strategies over the summer, and I would really like to try them out."

On Seteth's other side, Jeralt scoffed."It's curling!What strategy is there?It's not like a battle.You just drink and throw rocks."

Flayn hid her smile."Yes, you see, that is exactly what I mean.I think I _could_ treat the game like a battle, and so I will be forming my own team."

It was easy to see that this news made Seteth a little sad."But Flayn, we have always curled in this bonspiel together."

"You could join me," Flayn offered."I will need a strong vice, after all."

"How dare you try to steal my vice," Jeralt said.

"I'm sorry, Flayn, but I've been curling with Jeralt for far longer," Seteth said."He's not the best skip, but I do owe him my loyalty."

Flayn had expected as much."Very well, then!I will form my own team, and we will beat you!"

"I see.I wish you luck," Seteth said.

"Yeah," Jeralt agreed."Good luck with your 'strategy'."

Flayn giggled, as Hanneman took the seat across from the three of them.He asked if they were talking about the upcoming bonspiel.It wasn't unusual for him to curl with the three of them, at the second position.

"Yes, and on that subject," Flayn said, before either her father or Jeralt could stop her, "I'm forming my own team this year.Will you join me as my vice?"Hanneman would be good at strategy.He often had excellent ideas from the front end.Flayn couldn't think of a better vice, aside from her father, in the monastery.

Hanneman looked from Flayn to Jeralt, the latter of whom glared at him, threateningly.

"Perhaps if you curled with me, you could draw some conclusions about my Crest," Flayn bribed.

"I would be delighted to curl with you," Hanneman said, falling right into Flayn's trap.And Jeralt mocked her strategy!Flayn pumped both fists into the air.

"Great," Jeralt grumbled."Now we need to find _two_ other curlers."

With the bonspiel so near, that wasn't going to be so easy.Everyone was always very excited for the start of the season and usually had made their teams by now.Flayn realized that she was going to have to race her father and Jeralt to find two other members for her team.But who was still available at this time?Flayn hummed, thinking.She would have to pay the knights' common room a visit.

Shamir had moved on from her bowstrings to the bows themselves, oiling the wood so that it was supple and strong.In all that time, Catherine had polished the cup, and stared at the cup, and given Shamir more useless facts about Nemesis.She was starting to think that she would be better off doing this outside, by the stables, with all the activity and smells that went along with the location.

"Are you just going to stare at it all day?" Shamir snapped.Either Catherine could leave, or she would, but the decision needed to be made _now_.

"Well, someone has to guard it.I'd let you, but it's just that I have more years of experience fighting as a knight."

"You think I can't protect some plastic trophy?" Shamir demanded.

The phone on Catherine's desk rang.The blonde held up her finger and answered.She nodded."Really?All right!Of course I will!"

Shamir had already returned her attention back to her bow.She could not care less about the boring things that Catherine got excited over.

"You were right," Catherine said, "I shouldn't underestimate you.You're a valuable partner."

Well.Shamir didn't know where this was coming from, but she could get used to it."Thank you."

"And if you want to guard the cup, then I won't stop you," Catherine said, hurrying to the door, where she swung her cloak over her shoulders."It's your job now, partner!You got this!Bring it by the rink on Saturday--at about three?"

"Wait, I don't actually--" Catherine fled through the door, leaving Shamir to speak to an empty room "--want to guard the stupid thing."

Shamir looked at the cup in all it's overshiny plastic glory.She sighed in frustration.

Seteth hung up the phone in his office and turned to Jeralt."We've got Catherine as our second," he said.

"Great," Jeralt said."Now we just need a new lead."He would have called his child, but they were coaching some big game out in Enbarr.He felt doubly let down, by both them and Flayn not being there for the team.

"I'll give Rhea a call," Seteth said, reaching for the receiver that he had just put down.

"Isn't there anyone younger?" Jeralt complained.Seteth gave him a glare as he dialled Rhea's number."She's got to be at least four thousand years old!"

"So that just means she's _experienced_ ," Seteth hissed as the phone on the other end began to ring."Now shush.Hello!Rhea!"

Jeralt tuned out as Seteth made the same pitch that he had given Catherine.He picked at the desk with his dagger, ignoring also the stern look of warning that Seteth threw him.

"Okay, well you rest up and feel better, soon," Seteth said."Yes, may the Goddess bless you, too."

He hung up.

"So she's in?" Jeralt asked.

Seteth scowled at him."No, she's not in.She messed up her hip fighting the new Emperor of Adrestia and is recovering from surgery."

"That woman," Jeralt grumbled."Every time there's a new ruler on the continent, she's got to pick a fight."

"To be honest, I think she's hooked on elixirs," Seteth said with a sigh."She was rambling about the Sword of the Creator and the Crest of Flames."

"So what do we do, now?" Jeralt asked, moving on to the matter at hand."We need to find _somebody_."

"As long as Flayn doesn't find them, first," Seteth said, tapping the desk. 

As she had hoped, Flayn and Hanneman found Alois in the knights' common room.He was tormenting a young recruit with awful armour-related puns, laughing, oblivious to the lack of appreciation his jokes were receiving.

"He thought he took better care of his armour than me, so I _laid down my gauntlet_ so that I could prove him wrong!"

Silence filled the room.

Flayn broke it."Alois!I'm splitting off from my father's team this year and hoped that you would play second for us."

"That sounds terrific!I would love to," and here Alois paused, thinking of another pun, " _button_ the other hand, I do make the ice down at the arena.I'm not sure it would be... _ice-ceptable_ for me to curl with you!The other teams might think I'd pebbled the ice in your favour.Ha _ha_ , and I can see why!"

"Oh, I am sure no one would think that," Flayn said.

At that moment, Jeralt ran into the doorway, stopping himself by hanging onto the frame.Seteth was not far behind him.

"You can't ask Alois," Jeralt shouted, pointing."He works at the arena--he'll pebble the ice in your favour!"

Alois stood up, offended."How dare you suggest that!Flayn?I will join your team!Let's _take him out_!"

"Alois, no," Flayn said.

"I taught you how to curl," Jeralt reminded him."You can't beat me."

Seteth had his face in his hand."Was that a takeout pun?Jeralt, we are better off without him."

"You may be right," Jeralt agreed."Let's go.We still need to find another teammate."

As they left, Hanneman said, "We should do the same.There won't be many people left by now."

Flayn thought about who they could ask.She and her two teammates sat down at a table to discuss, determining that Jeritza had his own team and that Rhea wouldn't be curling for the next few weeks.

"I don't know what we shall do," Flayn said.

"About what?" Manuela asked from the doorway."Ah!There it is!"She crossed the room to the other table, where a purple shawl lay haphazardly crumpled next to a potted plant. 

"We don't know who to ask to be the fourth member of our curling team," Flayn explained."Time is running out, and most people have already signed up."

"Sounds like a real jam," Manuela said, not sounding sympathetic at all.

"They don't even have to be any good at curling," Alois was saying."At this point we just need anyone!"

"Can you think of anyone who isn't on a team yet?" Hanneman asked Manuela.

She recrumpled her shawl."No one's coming to mind...oh, I'm supposed to be checking on a concussion in the infirmary and here I am looking for lost items instead!I have to go!"

Flayn watched her, then turned back to her incomplete team."You are right, Alois.As long as they can hold a broom, they'll do."

"Hmm," Hanneman said.

The three of them stared at different corners of the room, thinking deeply. 

Flayn would hate to try forming her own team, only to be unable to play at all!But who could they ask?

The silence dragged on.

Flayn stood up."Manuela!"

Manuela had just sent her concussion patient on his merry way when Seteth and Jeralt showed up. 

"What's today's crisis?" she asked Jeralt, who was no stranger to the infirmary.

"Nothing, nothing like that," Jeralt said.He was grinning, and it was a little suspicious.

In the hall there were rapid footsteps.Flayn careened through the doorway and stopped still when she saw her father and Jeralt.She was followed by Hanneman, who polished his monocle.

"We win," Jeralt said.

"Win what?" Manuela demanded.Every week there seemed to be some new ridiculous situation in the monastery, but at least most of the time she could follow along.Today, Manuela just felt irritated.

Seteth tapped Jeralt's bicep with the back of his hand."We have to ask her!"

Flayn opened her mouth, but Jeralt was faster."Manuela, will you play on our curling team in this Saturday's bonspiel?"He leaned around Seteth to smirk at Flayn."Too late, we asked first!"

"Wait a minute," Manuela said."Why should I curl with you?I don't know anything about the stupid game."

Hanneman put his monocle back on."She's still free, we can still bribe her!"

" _Please_ be on our team," Flayn asked sweetly.

"Spectacular bribery," Hanneman said, his voice dry.

Manuela still had to clean over half of the infirmary.She shuffled a stack of health records before shoving them unceremoniously into a filing cabinet."Why do either of you want me on your team?"

"Because," Jeralt said, clearly struggling to invent a reason, "you're so...charming!Who else would we ask?"

"Literally anyone," Manuela said.

"It's about having fun!" Flayn said."You haven't been at Garreg Mach for very long, and we want to include you!"

"And," Seteth said, as though it physically pained him to do so, "all the eligible knights of Seiros will be at the spiel."

"Yes," Jeralt agreed.

"I don't know," Manuela said."I don't think I'd be very good at it."

"There's nothing to it," Jeralt told her."Just drink and throw rocks."

Manuela thought.She supposed it couldn't be _too_ bad... And if it gave her the chance to meet some attractive knights, and show off her legs in the meantime...

"We'll buy your drinks if you play with us," Flayn said.

Jeralt glared at her."Are you even old enough? _We'll_ pay for your drinks, of course.That went without saying."

"I'll think about it," Manuela said.She was perfectly comfortable leaving them in the lurch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhea, in her hospital bed, on the phone with Seteth: and the moon farthest from Jupiter has a cave on it, so there's no need to bring a tent
> 
> I drew the little curling rock scene breaks! i hope they show up right on whatever device you're viewing this on...they wouldn't centre so i had to make them really long


End file.
